27. Dogma (1999) [Rated R for strong language including sex-related dialogue, violence, crude humor and some drug content.]
summary from imdb.com:
An abortion clinic worker with a special heritage is called upon to save the existence of humanity from being negated by two renegade angels trying to exploit a loophole and re-enter Heaven.
directed by: Kevin Smith
starring: George Carlin, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino, Janeane Garofalo, Brian O’Halloran, Jason Lee, Alan Rickman, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Jeff Anderson, Chris Rock, Salma Hayek, Alanis Morissette
Priest: The greater Illinois chapter of the Right to Life foundation will be holding it’s bi-annual softball game against the Cook County Pro-Choice league next Sunday at two. Today’s second collection will be donated to the John Doe Jersey Life Fund. For those of you who haven’t been following the news, an unidentified homeless man who was accosted and severely beaten at the New Jersey shore last Tuesday lies in critical but stable condition in one of that area’s hospitals. He lacks identification and police have had no luck in tracking down any possible family. While he shows no signs of recovery, the Arch-Bishop of the Trenton Diocese has disputed the state’s decision to remove the indigent man from life support systems, asking that Catholics all over the country join in this protest against Euthanasia.
[Janeane Garofalo gets out of car and walks into an abortion clinic past a bunch of protesters:]
protesters: Hey, Choose Life. You’re gonna burn in Hell, ya f##### baby killer!
Janeane Garofalo: Holy s###. It’s the pope.
protesters: Huh? Where? hey, what are you talking about?
[Janeane enters the “women’s clinic”]
Janeane: J####! You’re a Catholic. Can’t you talk to them?
Linda Fiorentino: They hate me more than you, no doubt. At least you have an excuse. You’re Jewish. You don’t know any better.
Janeane: We already used that excuse when we killed Christ. So where were you yesterday? A bunch of us went to brunch.
Linda: I went to church.
Janeane: That still kills me, you and church. If only they knew your weekly tithing came from a Planned Parenthood check.
Alan Rickman: You don’t mind that I lost the wings, do you? I’m trying to keep my profile low.
Linda Fiorentino: What do you want with me?
Alan: I’m to charge you with a holy crusade.
Linda: For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
Alan: Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished. […] Don’t ask so many questions. Just serve your purpose.
Linda: I’m gonna have to pass.
Alan: I beg your pardon?
Linda: When some quiet little infection destroyed my uterus, where was God? When my husband decided he couldn’t be with a wife who couldn’t bear his children, where was God?…
Linda Fiorentino: That I’d like to know who they and you are.
Jason Mewes: Oh, I’m Jay, and this is my hetero life mate, Silent Bob. I don’t know who those kids were, but they would have kicked yours and Lunchbox’s a#### if I hadn’t represented.
Linda: Well, thanks for being out here so late. Wait a minute. Are you protesters?
Jason: You mean those ######### with the signs and pictures of dead babies? #### no! Me and Silent Bob are pro-choice. A woman’s body is her own ####### business.
Linda: But what are you doing hanging around?
Jason: Well, we’re here to pick up chicks.
Linda: Excuse me?
Jason: We figure abortion clinics are a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be here unless they like to ####?
Linda: Right. […] Someone told me I’d meet you and you’d take me some place I was supposed to go.
Jason: What the hell are you babbling about? All I know is we saved your ### from some angry ###### dwarves and now you’re telling us we’re supposed to take you somewhere as if we know where it is?
Linda: Do you believe in God?
Jason: Holy ####! All the fine immoral ####### in front of that place and we gotta get the one Jesus freak?
Linda Fiorentino: We really appreciate you seeing us this late in the day, Your Eminence. My friends and I have been travelling all night in hope of talking to you about the St. Michael’s rededication ceremony.
George Carlin: So, you’re looking to help out in some way, i take it?
Linda: We’d like you to cancel the ceremony.
George: I beg your pardon.
Linda: There’s gonna be a world of trouble if tomorrow’s ceremony goes forward as planned.
George: Are you… pro-choice?
Linda: No, no, the trouble’s not from us. It’s from these renegade angels that’ve been stuck on Earth since the plagues.