35. Nine Months (1995) [Rated PG-13 for language and sexual innuendo.]
summary from imdb.com:
When he finds out his longtime girlfriend is pregnant, a commitment-phobe realizes he might have to change his lifestyle for better or much, much worse.
directed by: Chris Columbus
starring: Hugh Grant, Julianne Moore, Tom Arnold, Joan Cusack, Jeff Goldblum, Robin Williams, Ashley Johnson, Alexa Vega, Kristin Davis
movieguide.org Christian reviews
Hugh Grant: The state requires you to take a written test to drive a car, but any complete moron can become a parent and just destroy a child’s life. It’s like people have babies on a whim. Surely, to be a parent you have to plan ahead a little bit. Say to yourself, do I really want to become a parent? Am I ready for that responsibility?
Julianne Moore: I’m pregnant.
Hugh: What? Pregnant?
Julianne: Watch out! Watch out!
Julianne: Watch out! Well, I guess you don’t want the baby.
Peter Bankins: Sir, your car will be ready in a minute. You’re lucky the engine’s in the back.
Hugh: Yeah. Right. Hi. Ready in a minute. So, um… we are absolutely certain about this, right?
Julianne: Well, my period’s 10 days late.
Hugh: Right. And there’s no way you could have had it and just not noticed? Sorry. Ridiculous. That was stupid. Stupid.
Julianne: Could you be a little more positive about this, more supportive?
Hugh: I’m trying to be positive.
Julianne: Killing us in a head-on collision is not positive.
Hugh: It must have been shock. Out of the blue, you say you’re pregnant. It was just a little bit unexpected, was probably the reason for the crash. I thought you were using birth control.
Julianne: I was.
Peter: Your car’s ready now, sir.
Julianne: Oh… you don’t believe me!
Julianne: You think I got pregnant on the sly behind your back.
Hugh: No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
Julianne: Do you think I planned this? I’m as flipped out as you are.
Hugh: I suppose I just thought that birth control had a little teeny element of control about it. Thought it was supposed to be foolproof.
Julianne: Yeah, well, nothing is foolproof. It’s only 97% effective. It says so on the box.
Hugh: Yeah. Right. 97% effective. So therefore 3% completely bloody ineffective. They should put that on the box.
Jeff Goldblum: Oh, Christine left me.
Hugh Grant: Oh, ####. When?
Jeff: Oh, uh… a week ago.
Hugh: What happened?
Jeff: Well… she wanted a child.
Hugh: I’m sorry.
Jeff: Are you O.K.?
Hugh: Yep. Yep. What an idiot.
Jeff: Leave that.
Hugh: Got it. So she said she wanted… She, uh… Christine wanted a baby?
Jeff: She was hungry for seed, so I closed the iron door, denied her my essence. You know, I’m not ready to be biologically extraneous. She would have devoured me from the head down, chewed up my manhood, swallowed my youth, and gobbled me up like some praying mantis. Not for me.
Hugh: What do you mean, praying mantis?
Jeff: The female mantis, after she has sex with her mate, she eats him.
Hugh: Oh, yeah. But Christine wasn’t pregnant or anything like that?
Jeff: No. What do you mean? Like on the sly?
Hugh: On the sly, or, you know, in the run of things.
Jeff: On the s… No. I mean, Christine has her faults, but I don’t know who would do that. That’s a knife in the back.
Jeff: You know, that’s… No, of course not. That’s some voodoo woman who puts pins in her diaphragm.
Hugh: Ha ha.
Jeff: Spooky, Sam. That’s a she-snake. That’s like the most hateful, cruel, sneaky, horrible thing you can do. Who would do that?
Hugh Grant: Just a bad, bad dream. Silly, silly dream.
Julianne Moore: O.K. You worry too much. Just relax. Lie down, O.K. Lie down. It’s O.K., baby. Whatever happens, we can work it out.
Hugh: I know.
Julianne: I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you. You’re the only one I want to be the father of my children, whether it’s now or later. O.K.?
Jeff Goldblum: You and Gail used to be interested in politics, music, art. Now it’s nothing but kids, kids, kids.
Joan Cusack: Well, my kids happen to be very meaningful to me. When my first was born, it was the most exciting moment of my life. I felt like I really made a contribution to this world.
Jeff: Absolutely. Congratulations. Absolutely. and the world is overpopulated. Our society has too many starving children.
Joan: Well, I would say our society has too many starving artists.
Julianne Moore: Samuel, I’ve been thinking… No. Wait. Wait. This pregnancy was an accident. It took us completely by surprise.
Hugh Grant: Right.
Julianne: We’ve been doing really great together, and a baby would change everything.
Hugh: I suppose it could.
Julianne: Our apartment’s not ready for a baby.
Julianne: We’d have to redecorate.
Julianne: I’d have to quit my job. I mean, nobody wants to take dance lessons from a big fat pregnant lady. We’re not ready for a child. There’s not one good reason to keep this baby. But I still want to.
Julianne: Maybe it’s crazy, but I feel it living inside me.
Julianne: and I really want this baby.
Julianne: What about you?
Hugh: Oh, you mean what…what… what do I think?
Julianne: Yeah, I’m just saying how I feel. So, um, what do you feel?
Hugh: Right. How do I feel on that one? Well, um… I feel, um… I, uh… I feel exactly the same as you.
Julianne: We won’t let it change us.
Julianne: Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I have to go to the bathroom again. It’s one of the many, many, joys of pregnancy. O.K. Oh, gosh. We’re going to have a baby.
Hugh Grant: You said that this baby wouldn’t change our lives. Now I have to sell my car and get rid of my cat. This is the second month, and our lives are practically unrecognizable!
Julianne Moore: I really appreciate your asking us along. I’m hoping this will get Samuel excited about having a baby.
Joan Cusack: Oh, yeah. Sure.
Julianne: Yeah, ’cause, um, if things don’t change, I’m thinking about leaving him.
Joan: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure you are. I thought about leaving Marty all the time, but this is his first time. You’ve got to give him a chance.
Julianne: He’s completely uninvolved. This whole baby thing really scares him.
Joan: He’s probably having trouble facing it. If you have a baby, that means he’s got to grow up. The baby’s the fun part. That’s fun. You know. Look at all this stuff. […]
Julianne: Sometimes I’m not sure I want this baby.
Joan: Oh, Missy, of course you do. It’s just such a privilege. There’s hundreds of women who spend thousands of dollars every day trying to get pregnant. It’s like our profound biological right. It’s something men can never experience. It has to be at the right time for you, but really, it’s a miracle. And then when the baby comes, there’s moments of sheer happiness.
Julianne: Even if you’re alone? I know it’s fashionable, PC, all that, to be a strong, independent single mother, and, uh, I’m prepared for that. I can do that, but, um, I would love this baby to have a mother and a father. I would love to have a family, and I would love to marry Samuel. Um… all he has to do is ask.
Joan: Oh, Missy.
Hugh Grant: What is it?
Julianne Moore: It moved.
Hugh: Huh? What moved?
Julianne: The baby. It moved!
Hugh: Oh. Oh, right.
Julianne: Here. Put your hand here. It’s like bubbles.
Hugh: I-I-I don’t feel anything.
Julianne: No,just wait. Oh. It stopped.
Hugh: What a shame.
Julianne: Yeah. It’s an incredible feeling.
Hugh: I guess I got plenty more time to feel it.
Julianne: Yeah. Yeah.
Jeff Goldblum: Um, Sam, what’s the matter? What’s the matter?
Hugh Grant: I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown.
Jeff: I can see, you’re going to have a thrombo. What’s the matter? Why?
Hugh: O.K. Rebecca is pregnant. There.
Hugh: I am completely sexually frustrated. I do not sleep at night. I have these appalling nightmares all the time.
Jeff: About what?
Hugh: Well now, the latest nightmare is that the baby is deformed… It’s missing an arm, or it’s got cauliflower ears with an eye on its forehead. I can’t stand it! I don’t know why…
Jeff: Do you want the baby?
Hugh: I don’t know what I want anymore.
Jeff: Well, what about an abortion?
Hugh: No, no, we’re in the fifth month. It’s too late.
Jeff: Absolutely. Absolutely. Sit, sit, sit. Relax. Let’s talk about this for real. […] I mean, you love Rebecca, right?
Hugh: Yeah, I adore her.
Jeff: O.K., O.K. You got to be honest with her. Always let her know how you’re feeling. You got to talk to her. Christine and I never talked. We were idiots. We threw it away. Look at me. Look what I’ve become.
Hugh: What do you mean? You have a wonderful time dating young girls.
Jeff: Sam, my life’s a pile of ####. It’s a pile of ####. It’s empty and pointless. My sister Gail is right. If I continue this way, I’m facing a lifetime alone without a family. I don’t want to die like Van Gogh. It’s terrifying. If you want to know the truth, man, I’d give anything to have Christine back. That’s the truth. And sometimes… God strike me dead for admitting this. Sometimes I think I’d like to be a father.
Hugh: Ha ha ha! Sorry. Right. No, you’re serious. You’d make a good dad.
Well, you know, whatever, but me and you we’re getting older. I think it’s time for us to… to face our responsibilities. But… But don’t lose Rebecca. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you.
Hugh Grant: Today’s our second ultrasound. I’ve missed it. I swore I wouldn’t miss it!
Jeff Goldblum: Uh-oh. […]
Angela Hopkins: Sir, do I have you down for an appointment?
Emily Yancy: Mr. Faulkner?
Hugh Grant: Yeah.
Emily: She left about 15 minutes ago.
Hugh: Thanks. Thank you.
Emily: Would you like to know the sex?
Hugh: The sex of the baby?
Hugh: Wow. Well. Does Rebecca know?
Hugh: O.K., then.
Emily: It’s a boy.
Hugh: A boy. Thanks. Thanks very much. […] And I’m assuming everything else is as it should be. You know, lip and eyes in the right spot, and… nothing whatsoever here?
Emily: Everything looks fine. Here. Watch this with Rebecca. She forgot to take it.
Hugh: Yeah. O.K., good. This is… That’s actually him? That’s my son?
Hugh: Thank you. Thank you.
Emily: Mr. Faulkner.
Emily: Pregnant women need a lot of support. Be affectionate with her. Kiss her a lot. She was pretty emotional earlier.
Hugh: Right. Thanks.
Hugh: Beck? Hi. What are you doing?
Julianne Moore: I’m leaving.
Hugh: Beck, wait. I mean, I… I know I’ve missed a few appointments.
Julianne: Look, you don’t care about me. You don’t care about this baby. You’re too wrapped up in your own feelings to deal with this pregnancy. You’re not ready to be a father.
Hugh: Where will you go?
Julianne: Marty and Gail’s.
Hugh: Marty and Gail?
Julianne: I don’t want to move in with my parents, and all my girlfriends are single, and they don’t need some pregnant person living with them. Gail and I have gotten to be close. She knows what it’s like to be pregnant. She’ll get me through this.
Hugh: And the baby?
Julianne: I’ll raise the baby.
Julianne: Yeah. I’ll get an apartment. I can do it by myself.
Hugh: B-Beck… Beck…
[Hugh watches ultrasound on video tape:]
Hugh: The little heart’s beating.
Hugh Grant: Hi. Which room is Rebecca Taylor in, please?
Carol DePasquale: 615.
Hugh: Where’s that?
Carol: Just around the corner.
Hugh: Gail! So? Is she gonna be all right?
Joan Cusack: Yeah, she’s going to be fine.
Joan: She just started having some contractions, and she started dilating. They’ll keep her overnight, restrict her movement. It just sometimes happens in the seventh month.
Hugh: And the baby’s O.K.?
Joan: Yeah. Baby’s great.
Hugh: So… can I see her?
Joan: Don’t upset her.
Hugh: I won’t.
Hugh: Yep. Promise.
Julianne Moore: Hi. What are you doing here?
Hugh: Well, you know I was worried about… about you and the baby.
Julianne: We’re going to be fine.
Hugh: Yeah. That’s what Gail said. Is this… is this noise… Is that the baby’s heartbeat?
Hugh: Beck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was, um… a disgrace. I mean, I know now exactly what a bastard I was. I was…I was… completely selfish, and you had absolutely every right to walk out on me. But I just want you to reconsider.
Julianne: Sam, please, no–
Hugh: Let me just explain. I think… I know that I’ve changed.
Julianne: You don’t believe in change.
Hugh: I do now. Change is great. Change is what it’s all about. Anyone who doesn’t believe in change is a coward, which is what I was. I was scared. I was scared of… of losing control and of losing, you know, you or what we had together and losing my youth.
Julianne: Aren’t you now?
Hugh: No. No, especially not my youth. My youth is here, doing well.
Julianne: I’d really love to believe this.
Hugh: Listen, I’ve seen the second ultrasound… The one you left at Dr. Thatcher’s the day I was late. The point is, I don’t care what I think or don’t think anymore. I don’t give a damn about me. I’m in love with my child.
Julianne: You are?
Hugh: And I’m completely in love with you for having it.
Julianne: Samuel, you almost ruined everything, and…
Hugh: Shh. Please. It’s the seventh month. The baby can hear you.
Julianne: How do you know that?
Hugh: I’ve been reading up… Dr. Brazelton, What To Expect When You’re Expecting. I’ve been to a Lamaze class. I was the only single father there.
Hugh: And I sold the Porsche.
Julianne: Oh, I don’t believe that.
Hugh: Yep. Marty gave me a terrible deal on a big family car.
Julianne: He did?
Hugh: Yes. It’s parked outside. Car seat, family extras. It just needs a family. And, um… there’s this. Open it. Would you be my wife?
Julianne: Yes. Yes! On one condition.
Julianne: Lose the earring.
Robin Williams: You have to control your push.
Julianne Moore: It’s burning. It’s burning.
Hugh Grant: Pant.
Robin: There you go. The baby’s head is out. Bulb syringe. One more push, and you will see your baby.
Julianne: Aah! Aah! Aah!
Robin: That’s it… the final push! There we go. Ready? Easy. Easy. Go, baby! And…he’s out! You had it! Another clamp, please. Another clamp. Open your eyes. Take a look at your son. You have a boy. A beautiful boy. Say hello to Papa.
Robin: You’re welcome. Thank you for choosing me. He’s very handsome.
from a sarcastic pro-abortion article by Eve Kushner at the Bright Lights Film Journal
If circumstances make the pregnancy problematic, don’t worry — everything will work out somehow. Just be happy. After all, a baby is on the way.
In Nine Months (1995), Rebecca (Julianne Moore) has mastered the “don’t worry, be happy” mindset. She states all the reasons not to continue her pregnancy: She and her boyfriend, Samuel (Hugh Grant), aren’t emotionally prepared for this accidental conception, a baby could damage their relationship, the apartment would require redecorating, and she’d have to stop teaching dance classes while pregnant. Then comes the zinger: “There’s not one good reason that I should keep this baby. But I still want to.”
And if she ends up going it alone? Also not a problem — Rebecca knows that single motherhood is a snap. Although she has never reared children, she asserts that she can handle the responsibilities alone, as if parenting would be no more difficult or demanding than her current life: “I’m prepared for that. You know, I can do that.”
When you deliver the child, there will again be irrepressible joy and widespread celebration.
It’ll be glaringly obvious that birth was the only valid decision. If you aren’t up to the task of parenthood (which is doubtful, because everyone takes to it naturally), scores of people will sub in for you.
The Opposite of Sex’s Dedee isn’t the “mommy type,” but it doesn’t matter because every gay man in town wants to take care of her baby. And why not? Babies are “miracles” and “magic” (according to a character in Nine Months). They glow under a soft-focus lens. They don’t cry much. If they do, some dancing will quiet them down (again, Nine Months).
If you’re a man, you may feel unready or unwilling to have a baby, in which case you’re just a party pooper. You should rise to the occasion and improve yourself if necessary. […]
George’s preparations are mild compared with what Samuel endures in Nine Months. To “grow up” and prepare for the pregnancy, he must get rid of his cat and his convertible. Then he must stop believing that children grow up to hate their parents (as he has seen in his child-psychology practice). He learns to worship his developing child by reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, attending a Lamaze class, and becoming teary while watching an ultrasound video. Although Rebecca has left him, he never once moons over her — only over the fetus. Samuel later tells her, “I’m in love with my child. . . , And I’m completely in love with you for having it.” (In other words, he values her as an incubator, not as a person in her own right.) He repudiates his earlier feelings about the pregnancy and redeems himself for his sin — an unwillingness to parent — by effectively erasing himself: “Now I don’t care what I think or don’t think anymore. I don’t give a damn about me.” That’s some self-improvement program — it got rid of his self altogether.
6. Babies only strengthen romances.
Couples may worry that new babies could stress out their relationship. But no — babies keep families together. Although the couple might separate during the pregnancy or after the birth, fatherhood will appeal to a man so much that he’ll soon return to the woman and his child. It happens in Nine Months. Why shouldn’t it happen for you?
8. A childless life is worthless, and anyone who doesn’t want kids must be bitter and selfish and morally deficient. If you postpone or eschew parenthood, you’ll face a future of unhappiness and regret.
When Nine Months’s Sean (Jeff Goldblum) states his opposition to parenthood, he comes off as an unpleasant, self-important woman-hater. He has this to say about an ex-girlfriend who wanted children: “She was hungry for seed. So I closed the iron door. Denied her my essence. I’m not ready to be biologically extraneous. She would have devoured me from the head down. Chewed up my manhood, swallowed my youth, and gobbled me up like some praying mantis.” He’s an unfeeling killjoy; when his sister announces the impending birth of her fourth child, he notes that “the world is overpopulated” and “has too many starving children.” (See 7.)
Clearly, his child-free life will end terribly. “You keep this up, you’ll die alone like a dog, like a bum,” scolds his sister. And just a few scenes later, Sean inexplicably comes to agree with her: “Look at me. Look what I’ve become. . . , My life’s a pile of shit. . . , It’s empty and pointless. . . , If I continue this way, I’m facing a lifetime alone without a family. . . , It’s terrifying.”