46. Parenthood (1989) [Rated PG-13]
summary from imdb.com:
The Buckman family is a midwestern family all dealing with their lives: estranged relatives, raising children, pressures of the job, and learning to be a good parent and spouse.
directed by: Ron Howard
starring: Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, Dianne Wiest, Jason Robards, Rick Moranis, Tom Hulce, Martha Plimpton, Keanu Reeves, Harley Jane Kozak, Joaquin Phoenix, Clint Howard
Lowell Ganz: So, Gilly, big baseball fan?
Max Elliott Slade: Kind of.
Lowell: Dad bring you here a lot?
Max: Once a year on my birthday. Then he pays an usher to watch me.
Lowell: Oh, I see.
Max: You have to understand, my father in his own childhood was without a positive male influence.
Max: His own father kicked him out when he was …so my dad was taught to see child raising as a burden… a prison rather than a playground. You understand what i’m saying?
Lowell: You don’t talk like a kid.
Max: Well, I’m not really a kid.
Lowell: You´re not a duck.
Max: I’m remembering when I was a kid. I’m 35 now. I have kids of my own. You don´t really even exist. You’re an amalgam.
Lowell: A what?
Max: A combination of several ushers my dad left me with over the years. I combined them into one memory.
Max: This was a great symbolic moment in my life. My father dumping me with you. It´s why I swore things would be different with my kids. It’s my dream… strong, happy, confident kids.
Lowell: That´s great. You´ve got a lovely family, and l´m a g###### amalgam!
Paul Keeley during a fantasy sequence: When I was nine years old, I had kind of a rough time. A lot of people thought I was pretty mixed up. But there was one person who got me through it. He did everything right. And thanks to him, today… I’m the happiest, most confident, and most well-adjusted person in this world. Dad, I love you. You´re the greatest.
Harley Jane Kozak: Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?
Rick Moranis: To check. To see if it´s okay. You didn´t know l did that, huh? Obviously not, or you wouldn´t have tried this.
Harley: Are you accusing me of making that hole?
Rick: No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom… opened the drawer with his wing and pecked holes in your diaphragm. I can´t believe you would jeopardize our plan. Remember what we read? A majority of exceptional people are either only children or firstborns with five years between sibs. We agreed…
Harley: No, you agreed. And they´re not sibs. They´re babies, and l want another one.
Rick: So this is how you go about it? By vandalizing your contraception?
Harley: Because you won´t discuss it!
Rick: We discussed this years ago!
Harley: I think we were wrong.
Rick: I think we were right, and I´m not discussing it again.
Joaquin Phoenix: What is it with the women in this family? They make all the men in this family wanna leave!
Martha Plimpton: Well if he thinks I´m having this baby now, he´s crazy.
Dianne Wiest: Baby?
Paul Linke: Your daughter´s having a baby?
Dianne: A baby?
Paul: You´re gonna be a grandma?
Dianne: I’m too young. Grandmothers are old. They bake, and they sew and they tell you stories about the Depression. I was at Woodstock, for ###### sake! I peed in a field! I´ve hung onto the Who´s helicopter as it flew away.
Paul: I was at Woodstock.
Dianne: Oh, yeah? I thought you looked familiar.
Steve Martin: I quit my job.
Mary Steenburgen: Why?
Steve: They gave the partnership to Phil Richards. This is a guy who leaves his wife and kids… then puts his money in his girlfriend´s name to get out of paying child support. I mean, the guy is… Anyway, I couldn´t stand it. I snapped.
Mary: Can you still change your mind?
Steve: What do you mean, change my mind? I quit.
Mary: Did you say anything that would make it difficult for them to take you back?
Steve: […] I was hoping you´d be a little more supportive.
Mary: I’m pregnant.
Steve: Since when?
Mary: Since I am. I’m due in February. I didn´t want to say anything until I was sure.
Steve: How did this happen?
Mary: It was an accident. Anyhow, this is why I´m saying maybe… now this isn´t the best time for you to be out of work or starting a new job.
Steve: If you´d told me there was a chance of this happening, I might not have quit.
Mary: You never told me there was a chance you might quit.
Steve: It was a spur-of-the-moment decision.
Mary: Pretty big one.
Steve: Are you saying I should crawl back, kiss Dave´s feet and get my crappy job back? I quit. If I go back now, they´ve got me. I´m a eunuch.
Mary: This puts a minor crimp in my life too. I was thinking about starting back to work in the fall. Now I can´t.
Steve: That´s the difference between men and women. Women have choices. Men have responsibilities.
Mary: Oh, really? Okay, well, then, I choose for you to have the baby. That´s my choice. You have the baby. You get fat. You breast-feed until your nipples are sore. I´ll go back to work.
Steve: Let´s return from la-la land, because that ain´t gonna happen. Whether I crawl back to Dave or get another job… it´s obvious now I´m gonna have to spend less time at home. I’m gonna have to have business dinners. I’m gonna have to play racquetball. I’m gonna have to get guys ####. I hope you don´t mind if l bring home a few prostitutes… because that´s what it takes to get anywhere, and l´m not getting anywhere. Whatever happens, you have to count on less help from me.
Mary: Why don´t you just say what you´re really thinking?
Steve: What am I thinking?
Mary: That I should have an abortion?
Steve: I didn´t say that. That´s a decision every woman has to make on her own.
Mary: Are you running for Congress? Don´t give me that. I want your opinion about what we should do. Let´s pretend it´s your decision, okay? Pretend you´re a caveman or your father. What do you want me to do?
Steve: I want… I want whatever you want.
Mary: I wanna have the baby.
Steve: Well, great! Let´s have it then. Let´s see how l can screw the fourth one up. Let´s have five. Let´s have six! Let´s have a dozen and pretend they´re doughnuts. I´m really happy about the way things are turning out, aren´t you?
Mary: With your frame of mind, not only am I not sure we should have another baby… I´m not sure we should keep the three we´ve got.
Steve: I´m ready to discuss it. However, I can´t right now. I gotta go to the ####### Little League. Ten little boys are waiting for me to guide them into last place.
Mary: You really have to go?
Steve: My whole life is “have to.”
Steve Martin: I was still high from the Little League game. Isn´t that demented? That a grown man´s happiness… depends on whether a nine-year-old catches a pop-up? What if he missed?
Mary Steenburgen: But he didn´t.
Steve: But he could have.
Mary: But he didn’t.
Steve: But he could have.
Mary: But he didn´t, Gil. You threw him twelve million pop-ups in the backyard. You cut the odds considerably. If you hadn´t… ow! ow!
Steve: But there´s three of them, and you want to have four. And the fourth one could be Larry. And they´re gonna do a lot of things. Baseball´s the least of it. And in all those things, sometimes they´re gonna miss.
Mary: Sometimes they won´t.
Steve: Sometimes they will.
Mary: What do you want me to give you? Guarantees? These are kids, not appliances. Life is messy.
Steve: I hate messy. It´s so messy!
Helen Shaw: You know, when I was 19, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride.
Steve: What a great story.
Helen: I always wanted to go again. It was just interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened… so scared, so sick, so excited… and so thrilled all together. Some didn´t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it. Well, I’ll be seeing you in the car.
Mary: She´s a very smart lady.
Emil Felski and Charmin Talbert: That´s great! You´re doin´ great. One more push, and the baby will be here. Bear down. Push. We´re almost there, Mom. Come on. Push. That´s it. Great. You´re doin´ great. You´re doin´ fine. Here we go now. I can see the head. Push. Here comes the baby. Good. Here it is. It´s a girl! Good! Congratulations, Mom.